Be sure you didn’t go through a doorway
I do it all the time. I walk into a room and can’t remember why I’m there. I had my phone in my hand a few minutes ago but now I can’t find it. Of course, I also can’t find my car keys or my glasses.
In our complicated lives, we often have too many things happening at the same time. Eventually, something gets lost or forgotten.
My mother called this the mattress theory. She said, “Our brains are like a mattress that’s filled with all of our thoughts and activities. When the mattress gets full and we add more stuff to one side of it, something falls off the other side.”
Unfortunately, as I’ve gotten older, the size of my mattress has shrunk. In my 20s, my brain had a king-size mattress. But now I’m down to a twin bed and some days I think it’s only a recliner.
Age also affects our ability to multi-task or remember a lot of things at the same time. These days, when I’m baking cookies or banana bread, I gather all the ingredients and set them on the counter. Otherwise, I’m afraid I’ll forget the baking powder or the salt.
Where did I leave my focus?
When I can’t find things or remember why I came into a room, I start to worry I’m having memory problems. While that might be partly true, I’ve also learned it might be as simple as losing my focus. As we get older, our attention span weakens and it takes less to distract us.
Lyndsay Mentgen with the Illinois Neurological Institute says, “Stress and mood disturbances can act as a distraction and make it difficult to focus, which can lead to memory problems.” She suggests that even our daily stresses can gradually begin to cause memory problems.
Look at this list and see if any of these match your life:
- Overwhelmed, extra busy
- Tired, worn out, exhausted
- Illness, not feeling well
- Worrying about money or budget
- Relationship problems, recent breakup or divorce
- Recovering from injury or other health issues
- Dealing with loss or grief
Having even a couple of these issues might explain why you’re forgetting things. As I look at this list, I realize I have at least five of them. I felt better after reading that, but I still worry about times when I forget things that should be simple to remember.
With two of my family members dealing with major health issues, I’ve had a lot more stress over the past few months. In my research, I found that depression, anxiety, and stress can make you more forgetful.
The doorway effect
When you walk into a room and can’t remember why you’re there, notice if you went through a doorway. Science shows that memories are attached to locations and a doorway signals your brain that you’re switching places.
Psychology Professor Gabriel Radvansky says, “Entering or exiting through a doorway serves as an event boundary in the mind. Recalling the decision or activity that was made in a different room is difficult because it has been compartmentalized.”
His research shows that even a virtual doorway, such as going from your kitchen to the attached dining room, can cause this effect. So next time you can’t remember why you walked into a room, look backward at the path you took to get there. You’ll probably find you went through a doorway of some kind.
15-second rule
Many cognitive psychologists believe short-term memory lasts for between 15-30 seconds. To move something from short-term to long-term memory, you need to think about it for at least fifteen seconds.
Whenever you take an action that requires going into another room, think about it three times. Assuming each thought takes five seconds, you’ll cross the fifteen-second barrier and remember why you are there.
Reminding yourself of your task three times will keep the memory strong and prevent forgetting what you were planning to do. To make this work even better, say it out loud. Try this the next time you start moving toward the next room and want to remember why you are there.
Play a game
My sister came up with a great way to recall why she was in a room. First she will giggle a little, then will chat with her brain about the game it’s playing. “Which one are you doing today?” she will ask. “Is it the one where you hide something you know I want? Or are you playing search and rescue? Maybe peek-a-boo?” She says this usually brings back the memory of what she wanted in that room.
Look left and right
An unusual tool for remembering something is to move your eyes back and forth, left and right. Scott Crabtree with Happy Brain Science says this works when the memory you are searching for is in the opposite hemisphere of your brain from where you are focusing.
Looking left tends to activate the right hemisphere of your brain, while gazing right activates the left hemisphere. Moving your eyes back and forth stimulates both hemispheres and seems to better connect the two. By rapidly looking left and right, you’ll probably find that missing memory.
Adjust your focus
Improving your memory might be as simple as slowing down and doing one thing at a time. Instead of trying to talk to everyone in a group, pay attention to the person in front of you. Look into that person’s eyes and focus on body language as well what you are each saying.
My mom had a great way of doing this. If she was chatting with one of us kids and another one ran up and started talking, she would hold up one finger. That meant we had to stand quietly and not interrupt until she was done with the first kid. Then she would turn to the next one and say, “Now what was it you wanted?”
The answer is green
During times you’re dealing with a lot of anxiety or stress, the amygdala part of your brain gets overactive and refuses to calm down.
Your mind starts going in all directions, which can increase those feelings and make them worse. Research shows you can stop those emotions from taking over by doing something that makes you feel emotionally grounded.
During times you’re dealing with a lot of anxiety or stress, the amygdala part of your brain gets overactive and refuses to calm down. In his book, “Emotional Intelligence,” psychologist Daniel Goleman called this emotional overreaction an “amygdala hijack.”
Your mind starts going in all directions, which can increase those feelings and make them worse. Goleman says you can stop those emotions from taking over by doing something that makes you feel emotionally grounded.
In her work on color psychology, Hailey Van Braam explains how the color green’s calming presence can alleviate stress and promote a sense of well-being.
During times you start feeling overwhelmed or stressed, look for something green.
Whether you’re outdoors, in an office or staring at your kid’s messy room, find something green to focus on. It might be a tree, a plant, a book, or something in a picture on a wall.
Keep focusing on what you found for a minute or so. Then look for something else that’s green and concentrate on that. Because green is a calming and nurturing color, your brain slows down and helps you feel calmer.
Doing this exercise won’t fix the problem you are dealing with, but it will buy you some time to think about your next move instead of blowing up or yelling at someone.
Magic of three
If you tend to forget important things when you leave your home, create a ritual that includes three items.
In the article Master Your Memory With The Rule Of Three, Manavi Agarwal says, “The power of three involves grouping information into sets of three, making it easier for your brain to digest and remember.”
My husband kept forgetting his phone or his water when he went to the gym, so he made a list of three things to take. Each day he would mentally check off that he had his phone, his earbuds and a water bottle.
When he left for work, the list included keys to his office, briefcase and phone. It’s been a long time since he had to call me to bring him one of those items.
You’re not losing your memory
When you forget something or can’t remember why you came into a room, stop worrying you are losing your memory. Most likely, you’ve lost your focus. And that’s something you can fix.
Slow down, use the techniques in this article, and you’ll probably find the missing piece in your memory every time.
This article was recently published on medium.com. You can read it here.