One morning, Donna’s husband took the dog for a walk and never came back.Over the next three days, the police searched for her husband but couldn’t find any clues of where he might be.
It seemed that Donna’s husband had simply disappeared along with the dog that was her best friend.
But it got worse. A couple days later, Donna tried to withdraw money at the ATM machine but her debit card was declined. Then she learned that both her checking and savings accounts were empty and bank couldn’t trace the withdrawals.
Within months, Donna was forced to declare bankruptcy and move to a new home. But six months after he disappeared, the husband was found in another town, living with a woman who had once been Donna’s good friend.
Anger and bitterness
For the next couple years, Donna was consumed by anger and bitterness. Her health began to suffer and she gained a lot of weight. Even though she was physically miserable, she couldn’t bring herself to exercise or eat healthy foods.
When Donna came to my weight-loss clinic, I saw a formerly happy and successful woman who was destroyed by her life events. As her tears fell, she told me, “I just can’t get over what he did to me.” But her anguish kept her from self-care and moving forward in her life.
At one of our meetings, I asked her, “How long do you want to hold on to your anger and bitterness about him? A month? A year? For the rest of your life?”
She answered, “I don’t know how long but I’m not ready to let it go yet.” When she left my office, I gave her an assignment. By our next visit, she was to give me an answer to that question.
At our meeting the following week, Donna told me she had thought about that question for days. Then she announced, “I don’t want to hold on to those feelings any more at all. I am ready now, and I want to let it all go.”
At that point, I gave her a piece of paper and asked her to write down the specific things she wanted to let go of. She wrote down, “My husband, my dog, my friend, and the pain this has caused for me.”
When she finished writing, I asked her to crumple the piece of paper in her fist and squeeze it tightly. Then I said, “When you are ready to let go of everything on your list, open your hand and let the crumpled paper fall to the floor.”
Unable to let go of the pain
At that point, Donna froze. “I can’t do it!” she said. “I thought I was ready, but I can’t seem to open my hand.”
I responded, “We will sit here together until you can let it go.” So we sat, and we talked, and she cried, but her fist stayed closed. Twenty minutes went by and it was time for her to leave, but she still held the paper in her hand.
So I gently said, “It looks like you have a different answer to the question, and you want to hold onto your pain a bit longer.”
Suddenly she shouted, “No! I don’t want to hold it any more!” At that point, she opened her hand and let the crumpled paper fall to the floor.
Then she stood up, hugged me, and said, “What a relief! Now I can start taking care of myself again.”
Donna still had to do a lot of healing work, but she started back on her plan for healthy eating and exercise.
When I saw her year later, she had reached her goal weight and was walking three miles every day. She also had started volunteering at a center for abused women and loved being able to care about them.
Once Donna’s self-compassion was restored, she was able to find back compassion for others, which led her to a happier, more contented life.
Getting your life back
This story is from Acts of Compassion, the new book my husband and I wrote together. The book is filled with stories and ideas about ways to show and receive compassion. While it’s not directly related to weight management, it includes chapters that talk about how compassion improves our physical as well as emotional health.
It’s now available on Amazon, including in the U.S., Canada, UK and many other countries.
Here’s a link to Amazon in the U.S.
Here’s a new website where you can read about the book:
Compassionate For Life If you click on the button below the book image, “read an excerpt,” you’ll be taken directly to the beginning of the book.
Get the book Acts of Compassion for free
Here’s how you can do that:
1. Purchase Acts of Compassion on Amazon (US) in either the print or Kindle version. Click here
2. Read the book at your own pace. If you like the book, please post an Amazon review about it.
3. It might take a few days for your review to show on Amazon. As soon as it does, send me an email telling me the date of your review and the name you used to post it. Also tell me whether you purchased the print book or the ebook version.
As soon your review is visiible, I will email you an Amazon gift card equal to the price you paid for the book. So that means you basically get the book for free. (I’m sorry but this offer is only available in the U.S.)
This offer will be good throughout the rest of the summer, but don’t wait long. This book may be the key to helping you have a wonderful summer.
Click here for instructions on posting a review on Amazon.
P.S. Because of the work on the new book, I have temporarily stopped the lessons from my book “Life is Hard, Food is Easy,” but I will start sending them again the first week in July.
If you missed the recent newsletters, you can read them here on my blog.