In my last post, I talked about my sadness because of a family member who was close to death. A few days after I wrote that note, my older brother died.
Even though we knew for a while that this was coming, the sadness and grief was overwhelming. At the same time, most of us felt a sense of relief that he didn’t have to suffer and he could be at peace.
Being sad made me want to eat
Every time I drove for an hour to the town where my brother and family lived, I felt that sadness as well as frustration that life had to be so hard for all of us.
As I sat at a small café and drank coffee with my brother’s wife and my youngest sister who lived with them, I felt heavy and drained from the shared pain in my family. And most of us worked on soothing that pain by sharing brownies and cookies while we had our coffee.
Loss is always hard. Whether it’s someone you are close to such as a friend or family member or even a loving pet, loss takes a toll on us. In the weeks before my brother died, I slid back into my old patterns of eating for comfort and nurturing. It kind of worked, but after an hour or two, I was all sad again.
From my years of working as a weight-loss coach, I know this happens a lot. Even the anticipation of loss can become so painful that we look for ways to feel better. And food is an easy and acceptable way to soothe that pain.
But that type of emotional eating also come with a price. Some of my family members talked about gaining weight, and I watched my own weight creep up as well. I knew that at some point, this had to stop.
Grief is a journey
We all know that dealing with grief takes a long time. So how do you stop emotional eating when the pain is still there?
For me, it involved being intentional about my days and my actions. And I had to stop allowing grief to be a barrier to my healthy eating and exercise.
So I started back on my daily walks (most days) and I stopped eating cookies and ice cream (most days.) As time goes on, I’m getting better at managing my life instead of slipping into things that make feel comforted and nurtured.
Grief is not a straight line
We don’t suddenly get “over it.” Instead, we will have good days when we feel strong and in control alternating with times when we sink into tears for almost no reason. And sometimes, we will reach for food to help us cope with that.
To help me with long-term coping, I decided use a 5-Step plan I developed years ago that seems to always help me get back on track. This plan takes very little time but produces amazing results. The power comes from the completion of all five steps, so don’t skip any of them.
And while you don’t have to do them in any specific order, following the sequence will reset your brain patterns and give you better results.
The Five-Step Recovery Plan
Step 1. Do tasks
Force yourself to do something. Choose mundane tasks that don’t require much thought or decision making.
Clear off your desk, sort the pile of old mail or magazine, clean out the coat closet or the junk drawer.
Sew on a button, iron a shirt, weed the garden. This is not a time to go shopping. Instead, pick something close by that doesn’t require a lot of mental effort.
Step 2. Make music
Pull out a playlist of your favorite inspiring or entertaining music. Crank it up loud, and let the sound flow into your body.
Or make your own music. Play the piano or guitar, even sing if you enjoy that. Soak up the music and allow it to heal your spirit.
Step 3. Get active
Walk, run, ride a bike, or do part of an aerobics or yoga tape. Dance in your living room or jump rope on the lawn. Find some way to move your body for at least ten minutes.
Step 4. Read a book
Choose one that doesn’t require any effort such as a novel, a biography or a book of poetry. Perhaps read the Bible or a related inspirational book.
Stay away from anything directed at self-help or personal improvement. The purpose here is to give your brain input, not make it do any work.
Step 5. Reflect
Sit in a quiet place and intentionally fill your mind with positive images or thoughts. Meditate, pray, or do a visualization exercise. Invite your worries to leave and peacefulness to fill its place.
Do recovery often
When the clouds of grief settle over you, and make you long for the soothing comfort of pies and cookies, pull out this list and repeat the five steps. Use it daily for a while if you need it.
Feeling down from grief doesn’t mean you have to stay down. Use these steps regularly as a way to break through the clouds and move forward toward your goals in life.