With almost everything in life, you hold a mental picture of how things should be.
For example, you expect that a restaurant will have clean tables, attentive wait staff, and good food.
Think of this picture as your expectation square, sort of a mental snapshot of how it’s supposed to be.
You actually create expectation squares for everything, from how your kids behave to how you want to be treated by your boss.
But if your expectations tend to be rigid or unbending, you can end up with mental squares that are very small.
If real life never seems to match your picture, you may need to change your image of what you consider acceptable.
In other words, you need to widen your square. To do this, try asking yourself, “Could it be different and still be okay?”
Then do your best to answer, “Yes.” You can do this with your own behavior as well as what you expect from others.
Imagine all the places where you could apply this concept. Suppose your child brings home a disappointing report card.
What if the person in the grocery line in front of you has 12 items instead of 10? How might you react if your overworked boss snaps at you?
In each of these situations, widening your expectation square will give you a much calmer reaction. It may also prevent you from reaching for a cookie to handle your frustration.
Today’s assignment (My answers are in blue)
1. On a piece of paper, draw a small square to show an area of your life, and then describe where you have a rigid view of how it “should” be.
I struggle a lot with restaurants or places where it seems the customer service isn’t matching what I want.
2. Next, draw a larger square around it. Then write down ways you could widen your expectations and allow other options.
Ask the wait staff person’s name, treat all customer service people with kindness, even when they aren’t doing things exactly the way I’d like.
3. Do this with several other areas that frustrate you in life. With each larger square you draw, ask the question, “Could it be like this and still be okay?” Write some notes about your insights.
I love this concept, and have used it in many situations over the years. It’s probably saved my marriage as well as protected several relationships with family members and friends.