When my mother was approaching her 80th birthday, my family members tried to come up with a gift idea.
Of course, she didn’t need anything, and she certainly didn’t want more useless decorative objects. We wanted to get her a practical gift that she would love but that wouldn’t take up much space in her tiny apartment.
Based on an idea from a magazine, we decided to make a Memory Box for her gift.
First we found a wooden box with a hinged lid and glued a small sign that said “Memory Box” on top. Then we asked each of her kids, their spouses, and the grandkids to write down special things they remembered about my mom.
Everyone liked the idea and they all started creating their memory notes on colored pieces of paper. The notes were in a variety of sizes, but each one began with the words, “I remember.”
Every message described one memory of my mom and told why that was important. Some were simple, such as “I remember you always comforting me when I skinned my knee as a kid.”
Others were more elaborate: “I remember how you pushed me to finish my college degree when I was ready to drop out of school.”
Here are a few specific ones:
I remember that when we had fried chicken, you always ate the back and neck and gave us the other pieces.
I remember how on our birthdays, you would bake us our favorite kind of cake and let us lick the beaters and the bowl.
I remember that you didn’t criticize Dad when he bought ten tubes of awful-tasting toothpaste because they were on sale.
I remember you sewing a dress for me that perfectly matched the design of one I had picked out of a department store catalog.
I remember you playing lots of games with us on snow days when we didn’t have school.
Once the entire family had worked on this for a couple weeks, we gathered all of the notes and put them into the Memory Box. After we counted them, we realized we had collected more than 150 notes.
The gift
We gift-wrapped the box and gave it to my mom at her birthday celebration. As we sat around a large table in a motel party room, Mom opened the box and started taking out the notes.
She couldn’t believe all the messages, and she began reading them out loud one at a time. I still remember how she cried as she read through the entire box of notes.
Of course, many of us cried along with her.
That birthday became one of the most meaningful times I can remember with my mom and our family members.
I know that Mom kept that box and she read those notes many times until her death five years later.
Life memory box
Memory box messages are typically directed toward one person, as they were with my mom. But a few years ago, I decided to create a virtual memory box by writing notes to lots of people who had touched my life in some way.
Here are a few things I put into my virtual memory box:
Barbara, my editor, and friend: I remember all the times when your editing improved my writing and how you taught me how to be a great writer.
Lavonne, sister, and friend: I remember how much you helped me heal after the loss of pregnancies as well as during my recovery after breast cancer surgery. You were such a gift to me during those painful and challenging times.
Kathy, Colorado neighbor and friend: I remember how you would drop whatever you were doing to go to Jack’s Coffee Shop when I needed to talk.
Mike, my husband: I remember how during our 50-plus years of marriage, you’ve never forgotten my birthday or our anniversary.
Readers of my books and articles: I remember the joy I’ve felt every time one of you told me things you loved about my writing and how my work has helped you.
As I added notes to my memory box, I thought about how I could communicate their content to people. For many of them, I mailed a personal letter that included my special memories. If sending a note wasn’t practical, I wrote emails and texts.
Everyone who received a note thanked me and told me how much they appreciated it. But what amazed me the most was how much joy my virtual memory box brought to my own life.
How to make a memory box
I encourage you to create either a real or virtual memory box by writing notes to people you love. You can direct your notes to one specific person or to many different people.
Start each note with “I remember…,” then add details or a specific memory. Finish with a statement of gratitude for how these people contributed to your life.
Once you finish your notes, share them with the people you wrote them for. If you can’t do this in person, you can also mail the notes or send them by email.
Memory box for someone who is gone
You can even do a memory box for someone who has passed away or is no longer in your life.
Write down memories of all the things you loved and appreciated about that person, then read those notes aloud in a quiet place. Trust that your loved one will hear you and receive your appreciation.
After you complete this, notice the healing and energy that come as a result of this special memory box.
You may want to save those memory notes and keep them where you can pull them out easily.
The gift that keeps on giving
After my mom passed away, we discovered that she had taken every one of the Memory Box notes and glued them on the pages of a three-ring notebook.
As my family members sat and read those notes again, we were amazed at how they helped us deal with our grief. In that room, it seemed that my mom’s spirit was holding and comforting each one of us in our sadness.
What a gift!
This article was originally published on Medium, an online article magazine. If you are interested, you can join Medium for $5 and search for Linda Spangle to read all of my articles. Click here to read more. (I do not make any money if you join.)