When one of my nephews was around three years old, he would start to wail and cry whenever he was put into his car seat. One day, his mother demonstrated how his teddy bear was able to calm itself by putting its paws together and thinking quiet thoughts.
They practiced this a couple times, and my nephew loved how this worked. After that, whenever she put my nephew into his car seat, she would say, “Now, just like your teddy bear, put your little hands together and calm yourself.”As he did that, he tried to think quiet thoughts and he was able to stop himself from crying. That compassionate approach helped my nephew learn he could manage his discomfort and let go of his sad feelings.
Most of us can recall special moments when our parents did something nice for us. You might remember a special childhood birthday party or the day you got the new shoes you really wanted. These moments leave a lasting memory that helps us understand and appreciate compassion.
Compassion strengthens relationships
Our inner spirits yearn for friends who stand by us, empathize with our pain and reach out a helping hand. I love music and have found that it often brings me healing and comfort as well as enjoyment.
Many of my favorite songs talk about how compassion builds strong friendships. I love the messages in the Simon and Garfunkel song Bridge Over Troubled Water and Mariah Carey’s Anytime You Need a Friend.
The lyrics in these songs remind us that a good friend will be there for us, dry our tears, and never walk away when we need help or support.
Our friendships in life make up an integral part of our social wellbeing, but compassion is what keeps them strong. We see it when friends pause from the burdens of their life to hear about our issues. We also experience it when a friend listens without judgment and calms us with reassuring words.
During the challenging times of life, we value a friend who spends time with us, acknowledges our pain and listens without offering solutions. Think about times when a friend has gone extra steps to be a help to you.
A compassionate friend will often do some of these things:
• Change plans in order to be there for us during a time of need.
• Listen to us and acknowledge our disappointment, sadness, or anxiety.
• Say, “That would hurt me too!” or “I’m sorry that happened to you.”
In friendships as well as marriages, compassion helps deepen the quality and strength of the relationship. In a study published in the journal Emotion, the authors found that compassion is the most important quality of a successful long-term relationship.
The study listed helpful behaviors such as offering words of encouragement and support during a difficult time or understanding the stress of a traumatic life event.
Long-term effects of compassion
Sometimes, we underestimate the power of compassion. But we know that it builds deeper relationships and enables people to stand together against life challenges such as health problems, job loss and family struggles.
Often your most important words might be, “Other people have gotten through this, and so can you.” Or you can say, “I may not get everything right, but I will be here and help you with this.
These messages build a sense of hope that the relationship can remain strong. It reminds your loved one, “I share your hurt and you can lean on me until it’s over.”
With struggling relationships, compassionate acts can bring healing and comfort. These might be as small as tucking a note into a briefcase or sending an email or text saying, “I miss you today.” Sometimes, it might involve planning a special night out or taking over a hard task that gives relief to another’s burdens.
Today’s blog content is from Acts of Compassion, the new book my husband and I wrote together. The book is filled with stories and ideas about ways to show and receive compassion.
It’s now available on Amazon, including in the U.S., Canada, UK and many other countries.
Here’s a link to Amazon in the U.S.
Here’s a new website where you can read about the book:
Compassionate For Life If you click on the button below the book image, “read an excerpt,” you’ll be taken directly to the beginning of the book.