Conquering emotional eating Week 9

In last week’s lesson, you were supposed to ask the question, “What do I need?” over and over until you had a list of your needs.But figuring out what we need is not easy. I struggled with making my list and wondered if I should leave some things off because I can’t do anything about them right now.But identifying what we need is a critical first step in stopping our emotional eating. And if we don’t figure out what we need, we’ll just keep eating and won’t know why.

This week’s chapter digs into ways to take care of emotional needs, particularly by figuring out how to nurture ourselves.

Here’s an excerpt from the beginning of chapter eight:

When you look for a way to ease your emotional burdens, food is often the first thing that comes to mind. Eating fills the hollow gaps in your life. It renews your “empty places” and helps you forget the things or the people you are missing.
 
Food probably wouldn’t be so attractive if you could get nurtured more easily. You keep hoping someone will care about how you are doing. “Maybe this time, someone will pay attention, call me, or hold me.” But the phone doesn’t ring, no one comes to the door, and everyone goes home to families—except you.

No wonder you go to the refrigerator! It holds such potential—the cool, soothing texture of ice cream, with just enough chocolate and nuts to make it entertaining. Maybe you could find a creamy slice of cheesecake, a bit of leftover casserole, or some frozen cookie dough. You probably have your own list of foods that always seem to make you feel better. 

But of course, food isn’t the only option. Now that you know how to identify your needs, you are ready to build skills for fulfilling them. In this chapter, you will focus on meeting your needs for nurturing without doing it with food. You will also learn how to fill emotional emptiness that comes from boredom, restlessness, loneliness, and depression.

True nurturing heals your soul. When you’ve been nurtured well, you feel uplifted, comforted, and eased. Like being wrapped in a blanket and held tightly, nurturing makes you feel safe. When you know how to nurture yourself, you can create ways to feel comforted and secure, even in the midst of your hectic, busy day.

Create a safe place

The chapter continues by discussing “emotional safety” including ways to create a “safe place.” Suddenly I realized that I had let go of that concept completely. When we first moved to Iowa six years ago, I worked on ideas for a cozy, safe place in our new home.

Since then, I’ve moved it around some, but right now, it doesn’t exist! Maybe that explains why I’m feeling unsettled at times as well as eating a lot more cookies.

Life is pretty normal here. My husband and I survived the isolation of the last couple years, and are starting to rebuild friendships and connections. We’ve started attending a new church that we like a lot. But some days, I wish I didn’t feel so alone and emotionally distant from people, even close family members and friends.

Renew your nuturing

I think the pandemic left me wishing for more “nurturing” and i haven’t figured out how to fix that. Reading this chapter reminded me of many things I’ve let go of, and it sparked some good ideas for rebuilding my nurturing habits.

First, I’m going to create a new “safe place” where I can listen to quiet music, read an inspirational book and appreciate my surroundings. Watch for an update on this next week.

I’m also going to return to some of the routines that I’ve used in the past, I love playing my piano, but it’s been looking pretty lonely lately. I’m goind to figure out a time of day when I can routinely sit down and play a few of my favorite songs.

List of “What I Love”

I’ve created a list of what I love many times in the past, but decided to write a new one and see how it’s changed over the years. 

Here’s a reminder of how to write this list. 

Take out a piece of paper and write the words “What I Love” at the top of the page. Then start writing. List everything you can think of that matches that description. Include people, activities, pets, and meaningful things such as sunsets or green grass. 

In addition to your favorite methods of relaxation or stress relief, consider everything that energizes you, gives you joy, or fills you with delight.

Don’t spend a long time thinking about this—simply write down everything you consider nurturing, even if some of the items are not always available or accessible.

Here are a few categories to get you started. Feel free to add others that fit for you.

• People, including friends, family, work colleagues
• Household pets as well as other animals such as horses
• Activities such as sports, games, crafts, reading
• Events like concerts or plays, conferences, vacations
• Nature-related items like flowers, trees, gardens
• Familiar objects such as stuffed animals, pottery, photos
• Meaningful scenery like sunsets or starry nights
• Soothing, relaxing things such as a hot bath, massage, yoga

When you’ve completed your list, put a check mark next to anything you haven’t done, seen, or appreciated in the past six months. Use these marks to identify all the nurturing activities you’ve lost touch with or forgotten about. If your list includes seasonal things such as skiing or gardening, simply keep them in mind for future planning. 

Once you complete this list, post it where you can see it easily. Each day, select at least one item and use it to nurture yourself.

Sometimes you can feel nurtured by simply doing one tiny thing that takes you out of your ordinary daily routine and gives you a sense of fun or satisfaction. Think of these things as gifts to yourself, a celebration of being “you.”

Create a safe place – feel free to take a photo of it and email it to me.
Put helpful rituals or routines back into your life.
Write a list of “What I love“
Put a check by ones you’ve let go of. Make a plan for getting back to them.